Sick and Tired

Well I don't know how these super moms do it. Work full time. Cook, clean, PTO blah fucking blah. I have the hardest time functioning. All I want is time to myself so I don't want to rip my kids' throats out. Baby crying. 7 year old constantly in my ear talking. And most of everything he says is bullshit he mimics from tv shows. My husband doesn't seem to understand I need time alone. I'm at a breaking point right now. There is not enough wine in this house to calm me down. I want to run away. I live in constant fantasy. A life without kids and traveling the world with my backpack..meeting new people in different cities on the daily. I know I'm not alone. But it feels like it. Don't get me wrong. I love my children and husband very much. It's just that I get so overwhelmed. There is no balance. It's about the kids. Always. And then because of this my husband gets shorted and feels unloved. So I feel constant guilt...I don't even know how to be present anymore. My head wants to explode...it takes everything in me to not scream at everyone to LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE. Yeah, so I'm miserable. I have not done much with my life for myself. There are finally dreams and aspirations which didn't exist and I can't do a fucking thing about it. Why? Because I'm tied down. Tied down to nursing the baby. Tied down to the daily fucking chore of taking care of the kids. The fucked up thing is it's what I wanted. I've been living a life believing I knew what I wanted and now I'm realizing the truth. The reality of my dreams. Who I am or want to be. And I've made my bed and I have to lie in it. There is no going back in time. I know it's not forever and I don't know if this is normal feelings for a 32 year old woman but FUCK...it sucks. So until I can make my desires a reality...I guess I'll continue dreaming and living in my fantasy world of bathing in hot springs in Iceland, going on adventures in Croatia and backpacking Europe...I can only hope I don't die before it all happens...I'm bitter. Very very bitter.